I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
