Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nut hugger
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
