Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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