So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
