Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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