So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Holy shit dude........stairs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
