Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
