I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
