im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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