Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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