Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
