garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
