She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
