Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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