Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
