So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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