So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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