They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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