i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
