She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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