could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize