You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
