I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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