I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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