apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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