You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
