In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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