The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They have beer where we have blood.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
