please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
well you can't waste a boner
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
