I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
