He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
