Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
