So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
