i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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