I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
