Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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