This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
