When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
