hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
