I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
