if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
pray to the hookup gods
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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