Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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