these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
