Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
