You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
