If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
