He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
