please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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