she woke up with a sticky ear
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
