jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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