Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
