his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
