Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
