Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
