Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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