i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize