So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
