i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize