we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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