Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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