The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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