I just threw up on my dentist
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize