I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
