You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
