Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
