i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm at about main and main street
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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