I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
