Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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