Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize