So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
