FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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