I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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