apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
